life is hard and beautiful

When i look around at my beautiful and self designed-created life, i am brought back to a place of peace and contentment and joy. And it makes me remember how hard it has been in order to arrive here at this very moment. And i am humbled. 

Since i was a little girl, i have been taking care of people - with the underlying belief that they wouldnt leave me if i kept "taking care of things." And so i did just that. I took care of siings, dinners and lunches and bedtime and before i knew it, i had lost all ability to play and be a child. I literally grew up overnight. Now as an adult human half a century old, i have decided thats it my turn. Finally. 

I still don't know how to play well with others but i figure that probably wont change and most of the "others" i could care less about playing with anyway. I have figured out that only a small handful of loving souls is all i need to move through the next 50 with grace and joy. 

And that is my goal. To move through the next phase with as much grace and peace and quiet joy as possible. And i will forgive those around me who choose to remain deaf, dumb and blind. That is not my path. 

I am the path of nature. I have cycles and rhythms and light and dark and cold and warm and growth and stillness. I am the path of nature. i will sprout and grow and bloom and fade and die. And i will cycle through this ovwr and over until my last bloom and my last fade. And then it shall be done. 

Life is hard and beautiful. It holds promise and hope and incredible pain and massive amounts of self preservation. It is not for the faint of heart. It is for the bold and strong and do not think for one minute that you deserve anything less than what you deserve. We deserve to take care of ourselves.

The trick is to figure out, be and live what you deserve. And its love. You deserve love.